defeated

Hey guys.

Wow! It’s been about a month since my last post. I am so sorry for not posting sooner but I can explain. I’ve been a bit overwhelmed lately with taking care of my family and school.

You see, I’m taking online courses to complete my Master’s degree in English and Creative writing. I’m hoping for a career change. This requires a ton of reading and writing which takes up all of my free time. With all the work I’ve been doing for that, this just seemed like more of a chore than a relief, so I gave it up for a while.

Then, our daughter was recommended to an intervention specialist because she doesn’t say as many words as the doctors expect her to. So, we met with the specialist and she gave our daughter the assessment. The results showed that she has a 40% delay in communication which could be related to her hearing.

When I got that news, I immediately felt defeated. I blamed myself for not being the perfect mother and not teaching my child what she needs to know in order to be successful in her life. I felt like I didn’t deserve her because I wasn’t doing my job correctly. I should’ve been with her instead of at work. I should have played with her instead of focusing on grad school. I should’ve been better. I just felt overcome with guilt that I had spent too much time focusing on my job or myself that I neglected her needs.

But for some reason that I may never know, God blessed me with the most amazing husband. He had called me on his way home from work one day and I was in an ill mood. I had been extra tough on myself that day and he caught on to it. He immediately reassured me that her delay was not my fault. He told me that I am a great mom and that it’s really obvious when our daughter clings to me. He told me that I’m not perfect and that sometimes bad things are going to happen. That’s life. He reminded me that she’s hit every milestone late and that she would get there.

I had lost faith in everything that I was, but God used my husband to restore it. I don’t know when my daughter will get there, but I know that my husband is right. She will get there. We just need to keep moving forward and teaching her.  I believe that God is in control and that he will take care of her.

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